Thursday, March 4, 2004

And again..

I allowed Ray to go and visit The Big One this evening. BIG MISTAKE. Ray is the  thinker of my crowd. Very intelligent. Unfortunately when it comes to The Big One, her senses are skewed. Apparently The Big One's friend did indeed know what happened and was, in part, shall we say, a catalyst for the events of the past few days.

So, Ray left the hospital in a rage after hearing the lies, truths and whatevers from The Big One and her friend. Bad idea. So I raced to the hospital (in my nightgown,robe and slippers) to pick up Ray. Luckily, she was where she was supposed to be when I arrived. (Yeah, that and the hospital is 5 minutes away...Darlene (tmmiles4) will vouch for this. Her son had a Benadryl experience that I will relate at a better time..)

Brought Ray home and then sat all 3 of The Big One's siblings down to discuss the fact that The Big One is responsible (read:IRRESPONSIBLE) for her actions, feelings and thoughts. I don't want them to feel like perhaps they could've averted her actions. That's called "enabling"...not good. They need to realize that hey cannot change their sister, for better or worse. It's all very sad...

I really don not want The Big One to come home. My feeling is that she should pick herself up and get herself better AND then ask to come home. C'mon...do something for yourself already....

Then there is The Friend of The Big One..She is a very mentally ill girl (lovely, she really is..) and she feels like she's a bad influence on The Big One. She told Ray (this evening, after the blow up) that she was going to stay away from The Big One because she (The Friend) was a bad influence. Hmmmm...I think it's the other way around...Anyway, she feels very responsible for The Big One's actions (which she shouldn't) and I have a feeling that she may be suicidal over this. (This girl has tried to commit suicide numerous times.) ::::MAJOR SIGH::::: I'm soooo tired from this experience. Please, just let me get some MAJOR sleep tonight...

Please, let me put this all on the back burner til tomorrow when I might feel more inclined to deal with all this...

G'night Gracie...

5 comments:

grodygeek said...

Holy Shit Gracie! I thought a kid who blows up not one, but two cars in 18 months was a big deal. Smack for crying out loud! Not the latest and greatest meth or crank or these bathroom lab junk, but the motherfucker grand-daddy of them all heroin! Oh, my, lord, what I wouldn't do to bring you just a few hours of comfort. Inconcievable. I have a friend who has, as it turns out, been a user since I knew him. That would be on the order of 17 years now. His family continues to pay for rehab time and again, but after awhile you just can't go back to some. He's had two beautiful wives, both gone. Ravaged. I'm just so at a loss for words. They too were good parents. They didn't ask for this. They are kind loving people that didn't spoil their son. So please, it isn't you, or your family, it just is. And it is her job to get off the merry-go-round.
Gordy
http://beta.journals.aol.com/grodygeek/The_Cycling_Comic/

mountainmere said...

Jesus Frickin Christ!!! How much shit does this child have to put you through?? Smack the shit out of her and tell her you want no further contact from her until she has been clean for at least 4 years. She should also not have an contact with her siblings as she is the worst possible influence on them.

I know of where I speak girl. I was addicted to Oxy Contin and Heroin for years and if it hadn't been for my family cutting me off completely, I never would have gotten off the shit. It took the huge scare of my family saying they didn't want anything more to do with me to make me get the help I needed. I am now 22 years clean and sober!! Meredith

sxysweetart said...

(((Sharon))) I truly am at a loss for words tonight. You know you raised her right, I hope you don't blame yourself. She made her own choices to go down this path. I wish I had some pearls of wisdom for you but I don't. I just can't even imagine what you are going through, and it breaks my heart. If I'm online, and you need or want to talk, please IM me. I am hopeing things can only get better from here. ~lila~

whsprdphsh said...

We've already talked a little, so you know about what my advice is, but I do want to say this, and this is a biggie. Every drug addict (myself and family members included) (and there are occassional exceptions) has to hit a point of "rock bottom" before they can see the light and begin to heal. I agree with the idea of letter her go. I can't imagine doing it, but as long as someone is going to be there for her to help pick up the pieces and make it safe for her to use again, she'll do it. If she knows that she has a comfortable home to come home to with food and clothing, etc., how much incentive is there to stop? But if she's forced to suddenly find herself in the middle of nothing, forced to see that her actions have made a very grave consequence, she's more likely to clean up. She's going to need to look a junkie life and death in the face or getting high is still going to be getting high. You're doing a great job! Stay strong!
E'beth http://beta.journals.aol.com/whsprdphsh/SaddestSong

debijanssen said...

OH MY GOSH, I FEEL FOR YOU HOW OLD IS THE BIG ONE? i just tuned in...I HAVE A 23 YEAR OLD BIPOLAR DAUGHTER THAT JUST ABOUT DID ME IN...WE WERE IN THERAPY AND THEY TOLD US TO PUT HER THINGS OUT ON THE STREET AND CHANGE THE LOCKS I COULDN'T DO IT. WON'T TAKE HER MEDS, SHE MEDICATES HER SELF WITH ALCOHOL...HARD STUFF TO DEAL WITH I'M SO SORRY......SHE'S NOW LIVING WITH HER BOYFRIEND AND THINGS ARE GETTING A LITTTLE BETTER BUT I'M STILL WAITING FOR THE OTHER SHOE TO DROP DEBI