Found this in Lila's journal...Hmmmm...am I the "Monster from the Deep Lagoon"? LOL!!
Found this in Lila's journal...Hmmmm...am I the "Monster from the Deep Lagoon"? LOL!!
This dream sh*t has me all discombobulated so I decided to stay home while Herman, Boo and The Boy all go to visit his family. I have decided to stay home and try to gain some insight as to why this dream thing has me so upset. Ray told me that she feels that I'm always trying to keep it together for everyone, i.e. making sure everyone has clothes for school, making sure I make dinner in tme for Herman to go to the gym, making sure that the girls have their medication, etc..but that somehow it's all falling apart in my own mind.The thing is, I do get overwhelmed but I really haven't been lately. I don't know...I was going to clean the hot tub (it smells like the monkey cage at the Bronx Zoo...ewwww!!) BUT the hose was buried under a pile of snow so it's frozen. That'll have to wait til tomorrow. I was gonna go see The Passion of Christ but Herman pointed out that I was already upset, why do that to myself. We'll go tomorrow instead. Instead, I'm still in my sweats, haven't showered and doing laundry. Can you say depressed?! LOL..I'm going to try and pull it together. When I made the decision to stay home it sounded like such a good idea..I'd do some laundry, take a nap while listening to Soundscapes on channel 838 on DirecTV (soothing sounds), shower, get soemthing to eat. Wanted to have a nice day by myself but now I'm feeling so motivated. Crying for no reason..not a good sign. Opened all the windows to let some fresh air in and all it did was make me long for spring. Newness..get rid of the stale feelings/odors/emotions..you know, kind of a re-birth..Ahh, I'm really feeding into this. What I should do is smack myself in the face, pull myself up by my bootstraps, straighten out and fly right...okay, I'm out of analogies...can anyone lend me one?! Gotta get out of this funk...Whew...I'm tiring myself out here..Anyway, the fact remains that I'm really a fairly happy person and when I get down in the dumps, it bothers me alot...did you get that?! LOL..This is me going upstairs to take a nap...with Soundscapes on!!
645pm: Well...I have decided that this is "Do Nothing For ANYONE Day" and I'm stickin' to it! It's "Do for ME Day". Have had Soundscapes on ALL day and loving it! Doing a lot of thinking and soul searching. I'll let you know what I come up with, if anything...But for now, my head is a little bit clearer. I also sent an email to my friend Mikey whose friendship I miss and need very much right now. Decided to tell him how much I miss him and why. Don't read into this...we were just really close friends who shared alot about ourselves with each other...and not SEXUALLY, Darlene!! LOL!! Altho alot of people assumed that Mike and I were having an affair, we never even entertained the thought. Not sure why some people don't think that a man and a woman can be "just friends"..Oh well..I'm going to get in the shower and get something to eat. Maybe sushi!! Woo-hoo!!
9:45pm: Well...I went to the mall and had a 15 minute AquaMassage! The best $20 I've spent in a loooong time! I ate a frozen margherita pizza that I had in my freezer. Ummm. Now I'm just watching "I Love the 70's-1979" on VH-1. I graduated high school that year. Seems so far long ago. Herman left a message around 8pm to say that they were gonna head out to dinner in a bit. I guess I'll be asleep long before he gets home tonight. heheheh..I get to fall asleep to the soothing strains of Soundscape..can't wait.
Well...thanks for hanging in with me throughout my day. I Do feel a bit better, I think that venting here has helped me quite a bit. That, and the email I sent to Mike. All kinds of venting going on today!
I've figured out why I'm not getting restful sleep-my dreams! Lately all my dreams have been very stressful. Been waking up feeling like I'd never gone to sleep. In my dreams I've been having arguments, getting into sticky situations and have had to figure things out. Example: Last night my dream took me to the Bahamas. Sounds nice, right? WRONG. While there, I had to manage all 4 of my kids (make sure they were where they were supposed to be at all times,stop the everlasting arguments between them, etc), had to swim with a dolphin that just wanted to bite and drown me, had to collect all the belongings of my family (coats, wallets, keys and some drawing materials of Boo's) all while the ocean was rising up. Had to try and figure out how I was going to get everything from the place that they were to a drier place without getting them wet. Then I realized that they might have left some things on a higher cliff so I had to climb all the way up (maybe 100 feet) only to realize that nothing was up there and now the only way down was to jump off this cliff into the water below and then climb back up maybe 25 feet to the OTHER cliff where I had left everything!! (Whew! I'm sooo stressed out about this!!) Then I had to jump off THAT cliff into the water below me and try to keep everything together and dry. I awoke from this dream several times only to go back to sleep so as to try and figure out how I was going to accomplish everything in my dream. At one point, there was a talking kangaroo that kept following me around and bothering me. Sounds funny but in my dream, it was scary. So I had to figureout how the hell I was going to get away from this talking kangaroo when all of a sudden another talking kangaroo came around and the first one followed him/her. Somehow, the kangaroo was sexually harassing me but I can't tell you how. It just felt that way in my dream.
My point is that for the past week AT LEAST all my dreams have been like this, constantly trying to figure things out, solve things and deal with personal issues. In one of my dreams my husband told me that he didn't love me and turned his back on me-literally. He ignored me completely as tho I didn't even exist. This is one of my biggest fears-my husband falling out of love with me. I adore him so much and we have so much fun together that to lose it would be heartbreaking. :::tears coming to my eyes just thinking about this:::
Had to get this out..haven't even finished my first cupof coffee. It feels as tho my dreams are tormenting me. I have been thru so much in my life that I have not yet shared. Yet I have always been a happy go lucky person. I guess only deep down in my subconcious am I beginning to process and later deal with everything.
Anyway, thanks for listening/reading. Please, if anyone has ANY insight as to why I'm having dreams like these, please let me know either via email or by posting a comment. I'm really frustrated over this. Now I'm gonna go and try to enjoy my day off...but somehow I think that these dreams are going to keep me frustrated all day. Peace...
Just wanted to say hi and let you know that I'm still here. Just haven't been feeling really great (headache, stomach..eghhhh!) but I've been reading everyone's journal!! Today is Little Sharon's last day...booo-hoo! And I've been informed by the manager that they will be hiring back some yucky boy who used to work dinners at the place. I asked him to check thru all the applications and see if there was perhaps a middle-aged woman who was hard working and had a great sense of humor that was looking to work with me! Hell...I'd settle for a 20-30ish year old woman with the above attributes!
The house has been fairly inactive lately...well, at least the kids haven't said anything if they have been seeing things. Seems to have calmed down. The Big One's boyfriend is home from school for the weekend so we'll get some peace around here til Sunday. We (Herman, the 3 younger children and I) may take a ride to NY to see his family. (They live in Westchester County, north of the city.) I'd really just like to have a nice quiet weekend because the past several weekends have been BUSY. I have a meeting at work on Sunday morning that is mandatory. (Yes, even wait staff have meetings! LOL) The sign on the office door says that if you don't show up you have no job. Yeah, well....they fire me they have no day shift!
I guess I should go upstairs and put my work clothes on..still not feeling great but hey! It's Friday! Woo-hoo!!
Little Sharon's last day will be this Friday. Found out yesterday that they laid off Heather, my favorite prep chef. Then, Ryan, a 19 year old kid who works with us sometimes, went and quit. So I'm essentially on my own at work now!! God, I hope they don't make me work with those yucky boys from night shift! LOL!!
Work was dead. 3 tables for me. And I got stuck working til 4pm. Sat at the bar and talked to some people. It seems like the bar and the lounge were the place to be today. All the heathens that didn't go and get their ashes came in for a few drinks!! It was a regular "den of inequity" in there today...smoking, cursing, drinking...why, we even witnessed an act of a sexual nature in one of the booths!! (Ok..I made that last one up, but it sounded good, didn't it?!)
The Big One started her new job this week as a waitress at The Macaroni Grill. Let's see how long this lasts. I give it a month, tops.I hate to sound so negative but I know her. She'll come up with a million excuses as to why she can no longer work there. At least she's been going to school.
Sorry it's taken me so long to get this post in but I JUST NOW got done with everything I needed to do!!Let's recap: Saturday was Herman's powerlifting competition. He and his friend Wayne both placed 1st for their weight class and division. Herman ALSO got best lifter in squats!! (They determine that by who lifted the most weight pound for pound..Herman weighs 208 pounds and he squatted 590 pounds..his personal best, I might add!) After the meet, 16 of us went to Charlie Brown's for dinner..a loud group of us. Everyone had a great time. We left there around 10pm and headed to our neighbor's 50th birthday party. Stayed for an hour..exhausted. Sunda: Ushered at Church. Cleaned up afterwards and went to my sister's to have bagels and coffee and say goodbye to my dad. (He was leaving to go back home in Vermont.) Left there, got Herman (who worked in the morning) and went to Costco to get paper goods and beverages for 100+ people that were expected at the Pot Luck at Church. Dropped everything off at Church, went home and tried to nap. No such luck...Back up and to Church at 530pm to start setting up. 6p-830p Pot Luck dinner, ran around cleaning up after it...Home by 845pm. Grabbed a cold one (ok, 2 cold ones!!) plopped on the couch and caught the series finale of Sex and The City. Cried...and cried some more..Yes, Dar..I'm a weenie! LOL..Passed out around 11 or so.
Just got back from lunch with my minister Jim, his wife and Cathy, the other co-president of the Deacon's. Had a "gripe session" of sorts..trying to figure out some issues that have been plaquing us the past few months. (Jim is our age and totally cool. We can say anything in front of him..He's seen and heard it all..) Now I must really try and get something done here or I'll feel useless...I'd REALLY like to take a nap but that's not gonna happen..Peace!
God, I am NOT getting any younger! I'm sooo tired from last night but it is totally worth it! I even got up and danced! Woo-hoo! I never so that! Especially where I work..I have a rule..kinds like "don't sh*t where you eat"...."don't dance where you work"..Has worked for me in the past. Last night the owner's brother wanted to dance so Little Sharon and I obliged him. Then we got up to dance to Little Sharon's favorite song and this poor little guy came up to me and said, "Um, I have no one to dance with..." Great..so I said, "Well, you DO now!" He was so cute! Then he came over to the table to thank me. What a nice guy!
It appears as though the owner feels that we are corrupting his wife. Ok, so we are, but why does he care so much? I can tell you why..It's ruining HIS fun. Now she wants to go out and he can't have a good time if she's around. She had a blast, letting down her hair so to speak. But she WOULD NOT dance. Maybe next time. I half expected to see a line thru my name on the work schedule! LOL..it would be just like him to fire me for that!!
Work was slow for me..The 2 other girls were fairly busy but I chose to stay in the lounge where it's slow. TOO TIRED! Had 2 tables..Oh well..I helped out the other girls.
On my way for a little nap..Family coming over for cake and coffee tonight. Then to Herman's powerlifting tournament tomorrow morning. Then a surprise 50th birthday party for next door neighbor tomorrow evening. Ushering in Church on Sunday and hosting "Meet The New Interim Head Pastor" on Sunday evening...and I had better be home by 8pm in order to see the series finale of Sex and The City. I hope Carrie winds up with Big. Ok...peace!
Girls night out!!Going to where I work to listen to this fun band..We even got the owner's wife to come out with us!! (She's the day hostess so we know her really well.) We're going out to say goodbye to our co-worker, Little Sharon. (And no, please do not call me Big Sharon...I prefer Tall Sharon! I'm 5'10"!!) She is moving next week. I'm sure I'll see her again, though. We became fairly good friends over the 3 months that we've worked together. She's moving closer to NYC so I'll take the train up to see her and we can do the city together! (Husband HATES doing the city thing so this is good.)
Husband..ok, Herman..and yes, that's his real name..said that he may stop by for a drink later on. We plan on introducing Gisella (owner's wife/day hostess) to chocolate martinis tonight!! Yee Haa! She's a non-drinker so we'll be gentle, I promise. LOL..
Ok, the time is drawing near for me to pick up Little Sharon..I'll post about tonights festivities tomorrow..
Oh! Julie: If you really want the Hellfire Stew recipe, I can get it for you...It REALLY is good..ketchup, veggies and beef over mashed potatoes..Mmm-mmm!
Another really busy day. Work was busy for about an hour, then it DIED. Came home, started some laundry (the "forever" laundry! LOL), made dinner ( Ok, so I opened a box of frozen eggplant parm and cooked some spaghetti..what's the big deal? It's dinner!) and did some more laundry. Decided to go to my mom's to go thru old pictures. The Big One and my son (who turned 13 today!!) drove over and looked thru the pictures, too. Great pictures! Some of me, my sister and brother when we were young, but ALOT of my kids when they were cute and didn't have mouths (or manners, for that matter) like a truck driver. (Case in point: Ray, the 16 yr old, burps and spits like a tobacco-chewing, beer guzzling redneck..So, I told her that for her birthday, I'd buy her a set of balls [sorry] so that she'd have something to scratch! LOL!!!!)
Ahhh..youth. If I had ever spoken they way speak or acted the way they act, I probably wouldn't be here telling you these stories. Yes, I, too, once walked 10 miles uphill both ways in the snow to school...Never spoke at the table unless my dad asked me something and suffered many a times with a bowl of spaghetti and warm milk and wasn't allowed to leave that table until my milk was gone. ( I HATE milk because of this...yeah,we even had milk with pizza too..YUCK!) I once incurred the wrath of my father because I put ice cubes in his beer to keep it cold. Ruined it for him, thats what I did. Never, EVER put ice cubes in your dad's beer. Once, after my mom had made her famous Hellfire Stew (yes, that's the real name..tasty, too..really), my sister decided that she would have no more. My dad, wanting nothing to go to waste, decided that if she wasn't gonna eat it, she was gonna wear it...as headgear! He up-ended that bowl of ketchup-based stew with mashed potatoes right on top of her 4 year old head!! God, I wish we had video of that!! :::laughing so hard from the memory that I'm crying:::
Speaking of dear ol' dad, he trekked down from Vermont to pay the family a visit. He's up there, all by himself. Hmmmm..I wonder why...
It's soooo funny how much my husband and I think alike! We were watching a movie when he turned to me and said, "You know....eggs, bacon and homefries sound really good, don't they?" I laughed, because I was thinking the SAME thing! (This happens quite often with us...totally off the wall things, too!) So, we took a little trip to our local diner (2 minutes away) where I just had a short stack of french toast with bacon, and he had eggs (up, yuckkkkk!), bacon and homefries. Decaf coffee for me..haven't been sleeping too well.
Came home sick from work today. Have been coughing, sneezing and really achy all weekend. We were overstaffed (with over-zealous boys, I might add!) so I told them that if it was slow, I was going home and back to bed. The thing is, I don't feel totally sick, but just enough to make me uncomfortable. I wish that I'd just get sick and get it over with. ::sigh:: Just sick and tired of feeling sick and tired...know what I mean?
And, in closing for this evening, I'd really like to thank everyone for their words of wisdom regarding yesterday's post. Sometimes I get realllly overwhelmed and feeling quite outnumbered. It's great that I can vent here in my journal. It helps. And the kind words don't hurt, either. Anyway..thanks, ALL of you!! I'm going' to bed..G'night!
Yucky day...and I'm not talking weather, either. Kids driving me CRAZY. The Big One ALWAYS "borrows" money from me, swearing that: A)she's gonna get a job REALLLL SOOOON B)she'll do any chore around the house. Well..it just ain't so. I told her that for the $10 I gave her yesterday she needed to wash the kitchen floor. (It's not a huge floor, maybe 10'x8') She whimpered and pleaded with Boo to change jobs. Boo was to clean the toilet and bathtub in their bathroom. Well, I'm not paying for them to clean their own bathroom!! Yet, Boo agreed to this swap and it took her 2.5 hours to clean my kitchen floor!!! (First you use ammonia and then you use Brite to shine it up a bit.) I practically wound up doing it myself because she missed so many spots.
I know I sound oh! so bitchy but c'mon already! We are paying for The Big One's college tuition, she drives our car that WE put gas into and she's yet to pay us for the cell phone we bought for her in December. And to top it all off, she acts as tho WE OWE HER!! This is the child who is in recovery from heroin abuse and was for the most part, homeless this past summer. Now that she home, you'd think she was Paris F*n Hilton!! Oh, when she gets money she runs right out the door and goes out to dinner, shopping, etc.Just makes me feel like she's not at all grateful for this last chance that we've given her. Ahhhhhh..Ok, I'll stop now. I'm just getting myslef more upset.
We really want to help her but we feel as tho we're being taken advantage of. It's almost like walking on egg shells around her. I know that her addiction is her problem but it's so nice to have all 4 of our children back in the same house that you just don't want to ruin it. Altho I did ask her when she's going to get married and move out! LOL!! She was mad at me for that...I just want her to be healthy and grow up. She's 22 for Pete's sake!! They say a person stops maturing at the each at which they begin using. I estimate that she's about 13. Great...just what I need..another teen aged daughter..woo-hoo.
Not MY sleepover...my son's. He's turning 13 on the 18th so we allowed him to have a party...complete with bikini-clad girls! LOL...let me explain. He had 8 boys and 4 girls over and we allowed them to go into our hot tub. Well, my son could not have been more pleased to be in the hot tub with these 4 girls! You'd think he would have had enough girls, what with him having 3 older sisters. But no, my son LOVES women. I often say that we're raising him to be "the perfect husband", if there is such a beast. (Truthfully, I have the closest thing to a perfect husband...right, Darlene??!! LOL!!)
Speaking of which, he has decided to go to PA with his gym buddies to be coached by a nationally renowned powerlifter. He and one of his friends, Wayne, are in a powerlifting competition next Saturday. Apparently this powerlifter is going to give them a seminar on stance, taking the bar off the power rack and how to formulate what your lifts (in pounds) should be. My husband wants to get 600+ pounds next Saturday (in the squat competition)..He's gotten it at the gym but at a public competition, it's more difficult. Ok..I've bored you enough...I'll move on. (It's just that I really am so proud of him..he's so devoted.)
Valentine's Day was kind of a let down but aren't they always? We had so much to do in preparation for son's party that we really couldn't do anything. And FORGET going out to dinner! Valentine's Day and Mother's Day..2 holidays to avoid restaurants!
Well...as I told Dar earlier, I have sto start cleaning up the mess...may takes days, even weeks. Hope everyone had a nice day yesterday...know that I was thinking about each and everyone of you! Peace..
Stayed home from work today. I actually arranged this yesterday afternoon as I needed to find someone to cover for me. Just a head cold and achy old body parts. (Nothing makes you feel your age more than achy bones and joints!) Have decided that after waking up and not feeling ALL that bad, I will make a whole hearted attempt to get rid of the 1000 pounds of laundry I'm staring at! Boy, does my family go thru clean clothes!
Just got off the phone with my husband. He's coming home for lunch! Yay! He works 20 minutes away so it's do-able on occasion. I'll call an order in for subs (heroes, wedges..depends on where your from!) and he'll pick them up on his way home.
This weekend is going to be another busy one! My son is having his 13th birthday party at our house. Yay. Many 12 and 13 year olds and they ALL wanna go in the hot tub. My husband said "Ok, but we drain the thing immediately afterwards!" Lol..that means I get to clean it out. Not hard, but in the cold, it ain't fun.
Doing laundry...decided to play around with "You've Got Pictures!"..Thought I'd like to share some family pictures with all of you! LOL..
My best friend at work gave her notice today as she has to move to Jersey City immediately. Surprisingly, her name is also Sharon! She's a Leo..I get along realllly well with Leos. (My husband is a Leo.) I also get along with Sagittarians (sp?)..Actually...I usually get along with EVERYONE! LOL!!
Received a really nice email from the head of the paranormal investigation team. He said that they all really loved doing the investigation with us and that we're their favorite clients! They were so much fum to work with..lots of laughs!
Hope you all have a great night! Me...I'm doing laundry and taking it slow....Haven't even had dinner yet..Not in the mood. Peace!
Just a quick update before I leave for work...The website was updated with our recent investigation!!Tr-State Paranormal Research Click on "indoor investigations" and then on the top one, "Metuchen, NJ". Now, before you look, alot of the pictures were taken in my basement/laundry room area. It's messy down there...mostly because I do about 30 loads of laundry a week!!
Gotta run to Church office before I go to work..Pick up paperwork for tonights Deacon meeting. Busy day ahead...oh..Thanks for the potato recipes! I'm going to try one tonight!!
Have a great day! Peace...
The party went well. I wound up making sausage with peppers and onions instead of mashed potatoes. Now I have 10 pounds of potatoes that I need to use soon. Oh well..I'm thinking of making oven fries tonight.
The in-laws didn't leave til 3pm today. All because my mother in law felt the need to clean every room upstairs before she left. Then she said to me, "Too bad I can't clean your room!" Arghhhh!!! LEAVE MY ROOM ALONE!!! My room is usually a mess because A)it's the smallest bedroom in the house B) I have 1 very tiny closet and C) I can close the door and no one can tell how messy it is!! Truthfully, I make my bed every day but we have so many clothes and nowhere to put them. I have a free standing closet but that's even maxxed out. We're getting a new bedroom set in May but that won't even afford us enough storage space. And I can't even expand my room due to where in the house it's located. Oh well...we'll make due.
As soon as I can download the pictures from last nights festivities I'll add some pictures here. Oh, the paranormal people should be adding our investigation to their website shortly. You can click on the following link if you're interested!Tr-State Paranormal Research Go to "indoor investigations" and then to "Metuchen, NJ". Only the first investigation is available right now. I'll let you know when the 2nd one is posted.
And finally, thank you to EVERYONE (Julie,Lila, John, CHOY,some crazy chick tmmiles4<lol> and everyone else) who adds comments to my journal! It's so much fun to find a new comment. If you have a journal, please leave me a link..I'd LOVE to read them!
Today is 2 of my girls birthdays! The Big One is 22 and Ray is Sweet 16!! This is a special birthday for The Big One...it's the first birthday in many years that she's clean. That alone is worth celebrating!
Seems like the pictures I added a while ago have mysteriously disappeared! LOL!! Does AOL automatically delete pictures after a set amount of time? I thought that I had added these pictures but when I looked back in my journal, they're gone! Poof! into thin air!
Just got home from Church a bit ago. What a wonderful sermon! (Never thought I'd say those words!! LOL) Every once in awhile you hear something in a sermon that totally makes everything click and today was one of those sermons. Makes you feel good, know what I mean?
Expecting my mother and father in law in a bit and then my family (sister, her family and my mom) will join us for dinner and birthday cake. As always, my husband will be cooking his little (really BIG) heart out. I think he's making ribs on the grill, shrimp and rice and duck with cheriyaki sauce. I'll mash some potatoes.
Well...I've added some pictures for your viewing pleasure...time to get some work done here!
Well, as someone pointed out in my "The girl in the white dress" entry, I failed to enter the picture!! LOL...I always do that! I totally forget to attach attachments, add pictures, etc...So, here she is..the girl in the white dress..She is at the far right, a white shadowy figure. It appears as tho she's bent slightly. You can't tell, but she's at the bottom of my basement stairs.
I'll add more later..Have to hand out medication to the troops! LOL!
I've gotten very lax about adding to my journal. Quiet day today. Everyone is gone except me...and I'm soooo enjoying it! Went to dinner at a Portuguese restaurant with 2 of our friends last night. Had a blast! (If you've never had Portuguese food, it's a lot of seafood in red(marinara) or green (wine, garlic and parsely) sauce..also paellas, great meats..lots of food! And sangria! Woo-hoo! LOVE that sangria! (A/K/A "happy juice"...till you drink too much of it..quickly turns to "unhappy juice".)
My husband took our old car to a car dealer to see how much we could get on a trade in. I wanted to get a new Taurus (Ford) but he was GOING to surprise me with a new Mustang!! That is, until they would only give him $200. MAX for the 1994 Cutlass Ciera Oldsmobile (with a mere 50k miles....it was my grandmother's car and husband only drove it to work and gym) and my husband got insulted and walked out. Ok..so the car is not in that great of shape. We've replaced the brakes 2 or 3 times now and it has a constant oil gasket leak...but don't car dealers give you at LEAST $1k for an old clunker?! Not any more, I suppose....So, I still have the Olds...til next weekend, that is! And I will be the realistic one and get the Taurus because I need to cart around 3-4 children. I'm sure my husband has OTHER ideas, tho..We'll see. I'll keep you posted.
The Big one is at Penn State visiting her boyfriend. I like when she's gone...much less aggravation. (Was that bad, saying I actually like when 1 of my children is away for the weekend?!) I expect her back tomorrow afternoon. She claims that she wants to go to the gym with her father. One of his friends has been training her. Now he wants her to start powerlifting like the rest of 'em! LOL...she can't pick up her own butt to get a drink...how is she going to powerlift? This should be fun to watch!
Well...gotta get ready to do some food shopping and then to a friend's home to watch the Super Bowl..I think I want the Patriots, unless they lose. Then I want the Panthers. (No loyalty...sheesh!) Have a good one!