This dream sh*t has me all discombobulated so I decided to stay home while Herman, Boo and The Boy all go to visit his family. I have decided to stay home and try to gain some insight as to why this dream thing has me so upset. Ray told me that she feels that I'm always trying to keep it together for everyone, i.e. making sure everyone has clothes for school, making sure I make dinner in tme for Herman to go to the gym, making sure that the girls have their medication, etc..but that somehow it's all falling apart in my own mind.The thing is, I do get overwhelmed but I really haven't been lately. I don't know...I was going to clean the hot tub (it smells like the monkey cage at the Bronx Zoo...ewwww!!) BUT the hose was buried under a pile of snow so it's frozen. That'll have to wait til tomorrow. I was gonna go see The Passion of Christ but Herman pointed out that I was already upset, why do that to myself. We'll go tomorrow instead. Instead, I'm still in my sweats, haven't showered and doing laundry. Can you say depressed?! LOL..I'm going to try and pull it together. When I made the decision to stay home it sounded like such a good idea..I'd do some laundry, take a nap while listening to Soundscapes on channel 838 on DirecTV (soothing sounds), shower, get soemthing to eat. Wanted to have a nice day by myself but now I'm feeling so motivated. Crying for no reason..not a good sign. Opened all the windows to let some fresh air in and all it did was make me long for spring. Newness..get rid of the stale feelings/odors/emotions..you know, kind of a re-birth..Ahh, I'm really feeding into this. What I should do is smack myself in the face, pull myself up by my bootstraps, straighten out and fly right...okay, I'm out of analogies...can anyone lend me one?! Gotta get out of this funk...Whew...I'm tiring myself out here..Anyway, the fact remains that I'm really a fairly happy person and when I get down in the dumps, it bothers me alot...did you get that?! LOL..This is me going upstairs to take a nap...with Soundscapes on!!
645pm: Well...I have decided that this is "Do Nothing For ANYONE Day" and I'm stickin' to it! It's "Do for ME Day". Have had Soundscapes on ALL day and loving it! Doing a lot of thinking and soul searching. I'll let you know what I come up with, if anything...But for now, my head is a little bit clearer. I also sent an email to my friend Mikey whose friendship I miss and need very much right now. Decided to tell him how much I miss him and why. Don't read into this...we were just really close friends who shared alot about ourselves with each other...and not SEXUALLY, Darlene!! LOL!! Altho alot of people assumed that Mike and I were having an affair, we never even entertained the thought. Not sure why some people don't think that a man and a woman can be "just friends"..Oh well..I'm going to get in the shower and get something to eat. Maybe sushi!! Woo-hoo!!
9:45pm: Well...I went to the mall and had a 15 minute AquaMassage! The best $20 I've spent in a loooong time! I ate a frozen margherita pizza that I had in my freezer. Ummm. Now I'm just watching "I Love the 70's-1979" on VH-1. I graduated high school that year. Seems so far long ago. Herman left a message around 8pm to say that they were gonna head out to dinner in a bit. I guess I'll be asleep long before he gets home tonight. heheheh..I get to fall asleep to the soothing strains of Soundscape..can't wait.
Well...thanks for hanging in with me throughout my day. I Do feel a bit better, I think that venting here has helped me quite a bit. That, and the email I sent to Mike. All kinds of venting going on today!