Well, The Big One has done it YET again. She went out Sunday night and when she came home Monday afternoon, she looked as tho she had done drugs or had been drinking. She was passed out on the couch all day long. I kept asking her what she had done and she told me to take money out of her wallet and buy a drug test to prove that she hadn't done anything. All day long she was passed out, either on the couch, my bed or in her room. I told her that I had had it and that she had to move out. She blamed HErman and I for her condition because her insulin was home and we wouldn't let her come home after 1am Sunday night. (This, because, she is very inconsiderate when she comes home. She's noisy and she starts looking around the kitchen for something to eat/drink. Lights go on, goes in the bathroom right outside my door..Arghhhh.) So, we hear her ALL NIGHT LONG last night, coughing and throwing up. At 4am this morning she comes upstairs to my bedroom and tells me that she needs to getto the hospital because she's blacking out and her heart is racing. Up I get, take her to the hospital. I literally dropped her off there. On the way out of the house, she screamed at Herman, " I hate you!! F*** YOU!!"
All day long she kept telling me that all this was my fault...she wanted to die...why did I have to give birth to her?...she didn't ask to be born...her life was awful..and that I have had an easy life!! PLEASE..To me, life is what you choose to make it. And she has choosen this life.
All we expected of her was for her to take care of herself, not use drugs or drink, to work so that she could support her medications..We pay the car insurance, the food bill..Damn..she's into us for well over $2000.00!! And she claims that she's not paying us back because WE OWE HER THIS..because PARENTS ARE SUPPOSED TO LOVE THEIR CHILDREN AND DO THINGS FOR THEM. Um, yeah...but she's 22 years old and should be supporting herself. When she was is school we didn't pressure her...but she quit school last week because we got mad at her for drinking and getting violently ill and winding up in the hospital. School for the 1 semester she was in, was approx. $800.00, of which we wouldn't have asked her to pay back.
So Herman and I had YET another sleepless night because of her and we're both exhausted. So much so that I had to leave work early (besides the fact that it was dead and there were 4 waiters on) because I thought I was gonna burst into tears. Now I have to cancel the cell phone that she swore she would pay us for and we have yet to see a dime...I have to tell her (not today, because I'll wind up screaming)that she CANNOT come back home and that she needs to get her things out of the house as soon as she's well enough.
You know, yes..I love my daughter but I HATE the things that she's doing. to herself and to us. She shows no signs of being responsible for herself. She has shown no gratitude for us allowing her to move back in and support her. This is a child who was living in a damn car last summer, nothing to eat and a $200.00 a day drug habit..(if not more)..I don't take credit for her getting better...she did that. But then don't blame ME when you screw up!!
I'm so upset right now..verge of tears at work..Thankfully I have a therapist appointment today. Then I need to get to Church to clean the refrigerator so that I can fit 250 pieces of chicken in there on Friday.
I know, I know...chin up..look ahead...somedays it's really hard to, tho...And today is just one of those days....
UPDATE: The Big One just called and claims that her drug and alcohol screens came back negative...Is in ICU and says that she is in very bad shape...Why then do I feel no sympathy??