Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Becky's Sweet 16 and more are some photos from Becky's 16th birthday party/ John's graduation party.

We had a nice time altho the weather was awful: hot and humid. I stayed indoors for most of the time. Heat kills me! (I have Addison's disease so I have to be very careful of the heat.)

I'm frustrated because Jackie was here last night and today. She is overwhelmed and doesn't know where to begin to put her life back together. This is something that she needs to one else can do this for her. She is struggling big time. SO instead of dealing with things, (i.e. getting a job, going to the doctor's for her infected eyes and for psychiatric medication for her increasing depression, inspecting her car..and on and on and on...) she sleeps on the couch all day. I just want to SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe I SHOULD scream...release some of the poisonous frustration that's coursing thru my veins. I'm just so afraid that once I DO scream, that will be the end. I'll probably totally lose it and wind up in some nice padded room in some mental facility.

Let me tell you..dealing with her drug addiction and all of my girls depression is really taking a toll on me and my emotional health. You get to feel so totally helpless because you cannot help your children. It's even more frustrating when they refuse to help themselves.

I'm sorry to be in such a bad mood.

The only happy news today is that Becky is booked for trip to Dar's!! She leaves on Sunday the 10th of July and returns on Wednesday the 20th of July! She'll have such a great time! I wish that I could go but all this trip taking is getting expensive! (My trips with TSPR and both Rachel and Becky going to FL this summer..not to mention our trip to CA in August!

Ok..I'm done ranting for now..Peace!

UPDATE: 10:11pm...Yes, I screamed..long and loud. No one was home so I was afforded this rare opportunity. Do I feel better? No, not really. I cried...hysterically..for about 10 minutes. And I'll probably cry some more before the evening is over. Herman is home from the gym now. Oh the tears he'll see shed this evening..the comforting he must provide..Poor, poor man. You have no idea what you're in for this evening.....


tmmiles4 said...

wonder if we can get a good rate if we share the padded room!!!!!  love & miss ya sista!

samnsmile5 said...

Oh, the trials and tribulations of teenagers!!!  My DH and I fight over our oldest and his lack of motivation...DH calls him lazy!!  :)  It is hard to watch your kids make mistakes and see them fall apart.  I hope you are hanging in there!!  Sometimes the thought of running away is a nice idea.  
Cute pictures ~ :)  

whsprdphsh said...

Oh, lady... I've been reading you for well over a year, as you know, and I swear you must've been born under the same bad sign as me.  You're always in my prayers because it seems to never end.  But I know you're a good, loving mom because if you weren't you wouldn't care about Jackie's problems and struggles.  Being about her age (I'll be 25 in 2 weeks, so she's a couple years younger, right?), and I hate to say this, I know what it is like that she's going through and as long as you're there doing what you feel is the right thing (supporting her, helping her, loving her), she will continue to hover between what she can get away with and doing nothing.  It's a matter of learning to let go and let her pick up the pieces when her life falls apart.  I'm a mom too, and I can't imagine taking my own advice and doing that.  But our jobs as mothers aren't to have good, happy children.  Our job is to help our children become functional, satisfied, self-reliant adults.  Because they will be an adult much longer than they will be a child.

But then again, I'm only 24.  What do I know?  And I'm sure the last thing you want to hear right now is someone else's opinion.  But I'm a mom, I have to butt in.  You know how it is...  ;-)

mad love to you sweetie

maidothemist said...

i like this place! I hope Ray's head is better and you are past your melt down. I think I melt down daily these days -lol