Well, after receiving the news that she didn't have any drugs or alcohol is her system I was then left to decide if we were going to allow her back home. My feeling is that we SHOULD give her another chance ONLY because of the fact that her drug/alcohol screens came back negative. Yes, she was a bitch on wheels..and has numerous psychiatric problems...My fear is that by telling her to leave she will go back to using and to doing what she does to support that addiction. I know that I have no control over that but I want to give her a chance..
BUT...Herman and most of the other children DO NOT want her back..They don't care that the drug/alcohol screens are negative..They just want her out. This, because living with her is like living with a tornado trapped in a house. We cancelled the contract on the cell phone that she SWORE up and down she'd pay for. Have yet to see a penny for it.
Anyway...my feeling is this: Everyone in the house make a list of requirements and rules for The Big One to live by. Herman and I will look them over and compose a sort of contract that she will be required to sign. Should she slip up ONCE, she will have to move out. This way I will feel secure in my mind that I have done all I can do for her. I'm a big "NO ENABLING" person..and I feel at this point I may be crossing that line.
So, I want the line re-drawn...and let the battle begin. (Of course, the "battle" has already begun...between Herman and I. He feels that I'm taking her side...which I'm not. I feel that I have to give her this last chance..that's all.)
My hope is that she's gonna get totally pissed off at me and get well, just to prove me wrong. Trust me, I'm also a big believer of "God helps those who help themselves" and I am well aware of the fact that only the addict can make themselves better...IF that's what they want.
Here's to hoping that I don't burst out in tears at work today...
3 comments:
You sound much more positive than yesterday, but still on the verge of tears. I think you are doing the right thing about the contract. it is a very good idea. and by having her sign it and you, your husband, and other kids sign it too, that makes it "legal".
I would then make copies of it, and post at least one copy in a central location in your house (refrig door, family room, bathroom, wherever), so that it remains first and foremost and she doesn't forget about it.
You probably already have but I would reassure her that you are trying to help her, that you love her, and want her to succeed, but she is going to have to do her part. Otherwise, you will have no choice because of your husband and other kids. That way you are expressing your love and concern, but remaining firm.
After she signs that contract, be alert for signs that she IS following it, and be quick to tell her you are proud of the effort she is making. Try some positive reinforcement, see if it helps.
Don't know. I really don't. Just trying to throw some ideas out there. Regardless, you are in my thoughts and prayers, and so is she. Take care of YOU!
Very good idea with the contract, just make sure you stick with it.
You all are in my thoughts and prayers.
At LEAST her drug screens were negative. But it sounds like she he making everyone else's life miserable in your home. I'm so sorry your having problems with her. I think the contract idea is excellant. Hope it works for you. And your right, why should you pay for the cell after she promised to pay it? You take that money your saving by not having that, and go to the SPA!!
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