The big one checks out..

Well, the big one checked out of rehab today....Not really checked out, more like she got tossed out. Apparently she was fraternizing too much. The rehab had strict rules about girl- boy contact. Not even allowed to make eye-contact. What realllly pisses me off is the fact that she didn't bother to call me to come and get her. Noooo...she decided to get a hotel room with the 3 other people who were tossed out!!!! I received a phone call at 3pm (didn't get it til 4pm, when I got home) stating that she had been discharged at 9am this morning!! Of course, I was frantic wondering what happened to her. I called all the people she could have possible called...to no avail. Finally, at 7pm, she called to say that she was ok and would it be alright if she stayed with her 3 friends at a hotel for the evening??!! "NOOOOOO!!", I screamed.

You have to understand.....I have been throught this too many times...I have given her this "last chance" to get things right in her life...And I really mean that this is indeed her last chance with us. SHe may be clean but she's still playing the addict role. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place..I'm damned if I throw her out (she may die from an OD) and I'm damned if I let her stay here ( she'll continue to live here as though this were a hotel).

You know, I really thought that this was it. She wanted to stay clean and be here with her family. But why doesn't she show any responsibility for herself? Why must I make the rules and thus be the "bad guy"?? We have been there for her through her recovery but yet she feels the need to go against our wishes? Yes..I realize that she is 21 years old but she really is only 14 years old, mentally, anyway..She needs direction. And we have tried to give her that but it's like going against a rip tide.

I'm sooo tired from this... I don't know that I can fight this battle any longer, for my own sanity. I have done everything possible, imaginable, whatever...I have done it. And I think that I may be done if she doesn't start making mature, adult, responsible decisions regarding her future.

That's all I have for tonight.